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Hide the sweet tea from Gen. Sherman

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W.B. Evans

Greg Gregory, local businessman and former state senator, recently penned his viewpoint on an old Southern standby in the “Charlotte Observer.”
Mr. Gregory, a tea convert himself, likened the effect of sweetened ice tea to Sherman’s march on the southland.
Seems that sweetened ice tea turns Southerners into big fat slobs. Young girls in hip-hugging pants looking like two pigs in a crocker sack. Greg used to drink sweet tea, but he was converted to plain old cold tea, which surely tastes like the Boston Harbor after the Tea party folks did their thing.
Fat folks didn’t just get that way from drinking jugs of sweet tea. It must have been them greasy hamburgers, pork rinds and honey buns. Betcha, it’s cause folks don’t have jobs to work off the pounds.
Once when Lancaster was sporting a cotton mill and bleachery, employees worked so hard they didn’t have a roll of fat hanging over their belt buckle. Shucks, it takes money to sport that low-calorie healthy diet.
Since about the only folks working are government employees, there is nothing left for most old fat boys to do but sit on the porch steps, sip sweetened ice tea and watch all the fat girls go by.
If Gen. Sherman rides by, we’ll stash the jug of sweet tea behind us.

W.B. Evans
Lancaster